The Power of NO: Learning to say no and feel good about it

Since you clicked on this I'm guessing there's something(s) you'd like to say no to.  If you need permission to say no to something, I'll give it to you right here, right now:

You can always say no.

To anything.

Any time.

For any reason.

No!

Really.  You don't even have to feel guilty about it.  If something doesn't serve you or make you feel good at all, that's ok, let it go.  It's your life, your day, your afternoon, your moment.  You're not going to get it again.  Do you want to spend it unhappily, following along under false, hollow pretenses?  Big News: You don't have to.Do you dread certain activities or events?  Hate your work party?  Are you feeling ill wish you didn't have to participate in something?  Not interested in house guests? Don't have the energy to meet that one *particular* friend?

Say no.

Think before you enthusiastically agree to things.  You're probably used to pleasing people and going along with the flow of what is expected or desired.  But you are your own person and it may not be right for you. It will be hard at first.  People will look at you like you've let them down.  But isn't it more important that you don't let yourself down?You'll probably find it's hard to stop yourself from being a yes-er at first.  You may have an automatic yes reaction.  I did.  Mine was like, "Yes, I would love that!  It will be so fun!  Can't wait!"  And then later, I'd think to myself, "why did I do that?!  I don't even want to go!"You'll probably feel guilty at first.  I did.  You'll wonder what would have happened if you'd fallen into place and gone along with whatever it was.  What amazing thing might you have missed?  And then you'll get on with the things you wanted to do.  You will probably accomplish something, if it's that project you've been wanting to finish, a run, a yoga session, that one errand that you just can't find the time for that's been nagging you from the back of your mind for weeks, or just simply getting the rest you need to restore from the inside out.  I bet you'll feel relieved and rested by the time your would-be-engagement-turned-you-time is over.I'm not saying it's always going to be easy.  I'll probably be reading this post aloud to myself next week as a reminder.

Disclaimer!

This is all within reason, of course, if it serves you, focus on what it can give you and be open to receiving.  My grandma always likes to say "there's something for me here" about any and every place or situation.  She has so much energy I have to drink coffee to keep up and she's 85.I'm not suggesting you quit your job today because you're tired and don't feel like going.  I'm not suggesting you quit your gym.  I'm not suggesting you give up on things OR yourself.Unless there's something better.  Something that serves you better and makes you happy.  Even some better version of your self you'd rather be.  In yoga teacher training, our instructor said to us at the beginning, "This will change you forever, permanently.  You'll never be the same.  Isn't that great?!"  And it was.*

Examples and Ideas

Obviously, there are some obligations you can't get out of.  But it's also ok to say "no, I can't do that now."  You can put things off a little-- make use of your calendar and your reminders so you can leave an unfinished task for tomorrow or postpone a lunch date to next week.Trust me, if you don't want to be somewhere, it probably shows.  It's easier to be fully present and positive.  It's better to give yourself over to obligations sometimes or for a short time than to drag yourself through tons of events and activities you're not interested in all the time.  Show up fully for yourself always.I am a big believer in mental health days from work.  When you're overwhelmed or burnt out or know that you're nearing some kind of edge or limit, it's better not to be pushed over.  Take a day.  One.  You'll probably come back revived and refreshed with some new ideas (Did you know procrastinating pushes things to the back of your mind where you can slowly mull them over and come out with new ideas you might not have thought of if you'd rushed through?)Sometimes you just don't have the energy to do something.  You don't have to "dig deep" and give up energy stored away for tomorrow or next week.  Sometimes this even comes down to a coffee date with a friend.  Maybe you just need you time.  If you friend truly loves you, she'll understand and you'll be even happier to see each other next time with more to share.This also applies to social media.  Looking at people's photos or updates is passively saying yes to them.  If you'd rather say no, there's this little button that says "unfollow." Click that.  You don't have to see it allllll.  Studies show if you have too many "friends" it can skew your view of reality-- too many amazing news tidbits makes you feel like you're not having as many great things in your life or not having enough amazing announcements to share.  It's ok,  let some people go and re-connect with yourself instead.

Good news!

Saying no to things that you don't enjoy creates space in your life for positive energy.  It leaves potential for great things to enter your lie-- new ideas, people, opportunities.  Be open to whatever may come!

Positive, non-offensive Ways to say No

Because sometimes it's hard to think of the words!

• That isn't a good time for me.  How about...?
• Thank you for thinking of me, but....
• I'm sorry, but I can't today.
• Sometimes it's hard for me to ...
• I've been really busy lately and I need some down time.
• I have other plans. (even if your plans are to lay on the sofa!)
• I'm sorry, I already have something scheduled for that time.
• Actually, I really need to...
• And of course, there's always the truth.  That's a super way to say no, especially if you can think of kind words to describe it.

You don't always need a reason, let alone a good reason. As long as you kindly say no, you're good!  If the person you're saying no to respects you, they will respect your response.

Wait, is this yoga??

Yes!  Absolutely.  Yoga is about being in touch with yourself and true to yourself.  It's about being your best self.  You need to be doing things that you value and believe in to be your truest, happiest self.If you've got some extra time, please drop by the yoga shop or check out some more blog posts.[This post contains affiliate links below, meaning if you click on them and buy something, I will receive a small commission]